Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Sometimes Being One-Sided is a Good Thing

Tonight I had a one-sided conversation.  I don't know about you, but I don't like when someone dominates a conversation.  But tonight was different.

Months ago when this journey started (and several times throughout), I know that sometimes all I needed was a one sided conversation. I distinctly remember calling certain people in my life and just spilling my guts out and the other end of the phone was QUIET.  And you know what?  QUIET is what I needed and it was the most wonderful thing! It meant the world to me just knowing they were there listening to me.

Tonight, I was talking to someone and she was explaining how she asked her son (who is going through chemo for cancer treatment) "How do you feel today?  His response day-after-day was:  "I'm OK Mom," even though she knew he wasn't OK.  So instead, she started asking him "Is today a good day or a bad day?" And just that small change in her question, got him to talk to her.  She felt better knowing she was there for him and could help him and I'm pretty positive he felt better knowing she could be there for him.

It's amazing how wording something differently can steer a conversation.  I don't know how many times over the past ten months people have asked me "How are you doing Jenny?"  In the beginning of this journey all I thought was "How do you think I'm doing?  My husband will never walk again!...Our lives will never be the same!...I just want to go home!...Why did this happen to us?!" But instead I would say "I'm fine."

Sometimes one-sided conversations are necessary to stay sane in this crazy world. Remaining silent and just listening can help someone tremendously.  Maybe you're not physically helping them, but you are helping them mentally and maybe they will get a better night sleep knowing they got a TON of stuff off of their mind.

If you know someone is going through a rough patch in their life, before you ask "How are you doing?" or "How do you feel today?" I want you to stop and think.

because that VERY question could make a world of a difference for them and for you.  I know it did for me.

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